


Crucify My Love

by Last_Tear



Category: Jrock, X JAPAN
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Tears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Tear/pseuds/Last_Tear
Summary: I used to know someone who was to me what hide is for Toshi and also I wanted to write something with this pair so badly since last year...Reading translations of Toshis Book did the rest and here we go





	Crucify My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I used to know someone who was to me what hide is for Toshi and also I wanted to write something with this pair so badly since last year...Reading translations of Toshis Book did the rest and here we go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His ex-wife had been screaming the most abusive and harmful things at him he had ever heard, threatening to break everything dear to him right before his eyes and then she had started to attack him physically again, her beatings just feeling as real as they had been back then. It just…wasn’t right that she still had so much power over him.

**Do you love me in my dreams?**

  
**I know this morning won't have a tomorrow**

  
**Still I hope for a happy end that won’t come**

  
  
With a scream Toshi found himself jerking awake in the middle of the night from a dream so vivid he was sure that it hadn’t been a nightmare but his memories and he curled up, trying to remember what happened. His ex-wife had been screaming the most abusive and harmful things at him he had ever heard, threatening to break everything dear to him right before his eyes and then she had started to attack him physically again, her beatings just feeling as real as they had been back then. It just…wasn’t right that she still had so much power over him. His dreams were supposed to be his only and now he didn’t feel save anymore. It took some strength to get up but he managed to stumble into his living room where he nearly ripped his phone out the wall in his hurry to dial but he relaxed again - slowly - as soon as it started ringing. He didn’t care about the time right now or that the other one might have better things to do - right now he just felt pretty vulnerable and so alone. „For fucks sake…Toshi…Do you know what time it is?“ Even though hide sounded ready to rip his head right off, Toshi only managed a small laugh before he started crying again. It was just … too much. „Shit.“ Another curse but he barely registered it because his mind was drifting away, leaving him sobbing violently, while all he could hear was the rustling of clothes and hides voice. „I’m coming over, don’t worry. It’s going to be alright Toshi…Just…just let me find my car keys, ok? Bet that stupid cat got them again…“ While he was talking hides voice had gone soft again - something he really preferred to being cussed at but still he couldn’t stop crying so all he could say was a small „Ok.“ Before the line went dead and he cuddled together in his armchair. It was only then that he remembered that hide didn’t own a cat and he wasn’t sure what to make out of this information. Obviously he had fallen asleep while waiting because when Toshi woke up again he was laying in his bed, somebody holding him close and with a content sigh he buried his nose in the soft shirt the other one was wearing, taking in his scent with every breath until he felt calm enough to open his eyes again. hide looked so blissful in his sleep that Toshi felt a pang of guilt that he woke him up - but he had told him to call him should something happen. Even nightmares were not exactly „happening“ but he felt better in hides arms. So much safer than before. And with a smile Toshi closed his eyes again, cuddling together just a little more - pretty sure that he could sleep like this forever. In the mornings everything would fade away and seem meaningless but right now he needed this reassurance that he wasn’t alone. That at least someone still cared for him. Because it surely didn’t feel like it. Not with this vicious voice in the back of his mind telling him he would have been better off dead.


End file.
